Changing and Loving Yourself… At The Same Time


woman laying face up on ground blanketed with gold leavesChanges often begin with dissatisfaction. You’re tired of struggling. You need to get fit. You want to stop doing that and start doing this. Ideally, this dissatisfaction spurs the positive changes needed to move things to a new, better place.

But what happens when you are dissatisfied with your body, your whole body? When you love your body already, but due to chronic or severe illness, your control over actually changing that which is causing you such distress is something that is out of your control? When getting up and working out isn’t actually an option for you, no matter how many Pinterest boards claim “disability is just an attitude”? When you simply want to make changes in your life from a place of love and contentment rather than resentment and anger?

What happens when the change you must make is to simply accept and flow with what is possible within the parameters you are at right now?

Go deeper.

Longing to change my body, fixating on my dissatisfaction with being chronically ill, hating my constant pain and the need of care workers still leaves me at square one: struggling.

But however “good” I am, however hard I play ignorant optimism or pray, I haven’t managed to manifest myself well (just yet!*), so I need to find another way.

This is my way.

My conscious change.

Right now. I will:

 • Allow myself to ignore all the lists of resolutions floating around online. Instead
I will make changes when I am ready for them not when an old
Christian calendar tells me to.

• Stop being so hard on myself. I’m hurting. I’m healing.
And it’s because every layer uncovers something new.
Something important.
So what if I’m not ”fixed” yet? I never will be. That’s OK.
My life is not a DIY project.  I’m not striving for stagnant perfection or to “make it” because I already have.
Since the day I was born I have been a whole being. Now, I’m (gratefully!)
always changing. Evolving.

• Own my thoughts. The more time I spend with
myself and my thoughts,
the less I internalise the thoughts and judgments of others. For me,
that means more journaling and less how-to blog reading.

• Know my body is beautiful. If I’m doing yoga, and pulling my
belly button toward my spine, wishing I had a six-pack, I’m going to pluck that thought out of
my mind and dismiss it. My meditation and yoga practices are glorious
gifts, not moments to judge myself.

• Choose to do things that feel good. Consistently. Every time.
Even if it feels uncomfortable to get to the good in the beginning.

I hold a hope that you too will do what is right for you, when it’s right for you. Tweet This!

Struggling to figure that out? Seeking some guidance? Book a Soul Detox Session with me here to get new insights, direction and actionable steps to making changes that are tailored just to you.

(*And my opinions on non-disabled people telling me I can think/pray/detox/manifest myself cured? Well, that is a whole other post ;))