So, you’ve been diagnosed. In the blink of an eye, your world may seem upside down, unfamiliar and impossible to navigate. I’ve been there, dear one, and I know two things for sure: A) It isn’t easy B) You can do it. And not only do it, but do it well. You can (and will!) thrive again. Last week, I shared a few simple tips for plotting your way through your new reality, steps I wish I had realized much earlier in my journey. Here are three more rules of thumb that have served me well since my own diagnosis, guidelines you can use right now as you move forward on…

1. Your doctor isn’t in charge. You are. When newly diagnosed, you may feel very alone. Not only are you in physical and/or emotional pain, but something you have relied on all your life – your precious body, the very essence of you – isn’t working as it once did. Suddenly, you’re thrown into a whole new world of tests, scans, appointments and opinions. You want someone to tell you what’s going on, why it’s going on and exactly how it can be fixed. Now, please. It’s a natural reaction. But it doesn’t make things easier, because your doctor isn’t in charge of your healing – you are. This may…

Isn’t acceptance the goal? We have ‘accepted’ our situation, we are ‘at peace’, we can ‘move on’. How neat. Our search for acceptance can be self-development spiralling out of control, a relentless pursuance of this fabled state. We dream it will provide the longed for emotional palliative. When it doesn’t or if we never arrive tensions rise (and how can you arrive when any irritation, sorrow or anger is taken as a sign that you still haven’t accepted fully yet). I don’t believe you I believe in taking responsibility for our health. I do not believe in blame. I don’t believe you are sick simply because you didn’t forgive Jane…

Your diagnosis does not define you. You are more than the label they gave you. Bigger than just the facts on your charts. What are you? Let me ask you this – do the words woman/mother/ straight/gay/single/black fully define you? Is that everything you are? Everyone we need to know? If not, how on earth could one word like MS, cancer, ME, fibromyalgia contain all that you are? Your challenges do not encapsulate you. They are not the end of your story. I know you might feel like that label will always stick I know you don’t want to be defined by your disability Just as I know there may always…

1. Allow At this point your emotions may be swirling, but whatever you feel is ok and you are not alone in feeling it. Judging your emotions won’t make them go away and you are allowed to feel exactly as you do right now. You might be filled with anger, guilt, relief, or shame. You might be stinging from the injustice, or feeling broken, or empowered, but whatever you feel is right. These are feelings sweeping through you in this moment, let them sweep.   2. Curl Up or Reach Out I don’t know which one will work for you, it might be your instinct to curl up and take…